elspethmeanslife

Sweet and joyous moments, who don’t want all those… no one because the heart keeps wanting all these… but they are all lies, fake promises… no one loves u in this world… parents juz carry out their responsibilities and give u the best they can… friends juz walk pass u n leave sweet memories with u but there comes a time where u lose them all… n the most dreaded of all… those who walk into ur life n mess with it then juz act as if nth had ever happened… someone who gives u a minute of happiness n an hour of sorrow…

Now that i’ve seen enough, i finally noe dat wat our heart wants are hopes dat only live in imagination n will never be fulfilled… one is important to no one but her ownself… all promises by others are juz lies… they are all fake… one shud only love oneself n no one else… one should learn to live lonely or hurt wud find its way to ur heart… cut a hole deep down n will never recover…

SMILE!!! smile, is wat i do everyday… smile, is wat i ask people to do everyday… smile, is a very good thing, everyone says… smile, will make everyone happy, everybody thinks… but, smile, could be a very lonely smile…

If i have a choice, i won’t choose to smile, i rather cry if there’s somebody for me to cry on… at least i noe that i m not lonely n there’s somebody out there who still care bout me… at least there is somebody for me to call when i am alone… at least someone noes wat happen to me and even if i die, i wont die lonely and i noe dat someone is aware of my death…

Is it selfish to want someone to care or is it i am not mature enough to be independent… when will i reach the stage where i need no one at all… a point where i can live alone… can appear to be very close to anyone but the actual fact is i dun need them at all… a day where i will be independent enough to rely on myself n wont disturb anyone else… a time where i can truly look after myself no matter in wat situation and dun need anyone to care for me… a moment where tears wont drop anymore because the heart do not feel anymore…when will this minute ever arrive…

             The feeling of despair, sadness, disappointment and loneliness just have to be part of our lives. And these feelings may all come together at once. Making us feel as though we have nowhere safe and happy to be. Surrounded by thick walls. Imprisoned in a space so small in the midst of disappointment towards friends and family, emptiness of life and loneliness of the heart. What meaning do all this bring with them?

            Sometimes in life, we make a fool out of ourselves just to achieve what we want. But, after being foolish, will our wishes actually be fulfilled? Will there be no pain and suffering anymore, only eternal happiness?

            Some claim that it is because our expectations are too high and cannot be reached. Is that really true or simply just an excuse? But others expect so much from me. Why can’t I just ask for a little in return. I think no one despise to be cared and loved. No one wants to be alone. That’s the purpose of friends and family. Isn’t it? When will the world stop being so selfish?

            Is it so hard to just meet my angel? To find my guardian angel? I am willing to walk a million miles to reach fairyland. Even that means walking bare-footed. If only I have the chance.

            If only there is someone who can give me all the answers to my questions. I know my dream will never come true. But, I will still hold on to it. Tight. I still want a fairy tale…

       Fairy tales, fantasies which children are brought up with. A place where good triumph over evil, love triumph over vengeance, where all the the good-hearted live happily ever afterwhile the bad suffer their consequences. Fantasies that have happy endings. Fairy tales are always beautiful, never ugly.

       Reality, a complete opposite of fairy tale. Harsh and unpredictable. Love that does not exist. And friendship, betrayed. Unknowing of who to trust, and who not. Life sometimes can be empty but full of confusion. Sometimes, you thought you found a friend, a true friend. In your eyes, she is a beautiful soul. A pure and sincere heart buried inside her. Yet, in the name of friendship, you are betrayed. You feel stupid being used and still putting your trust in her, but you choose to be a fool. Because, you still believe in her.

       And sometimes, you know that there are people out there who really care about you. And you, on the other hand, care about them too. But, you refuse to let them know and you start avoiding them. You rejected their care. Make them feel they worth nothing to you. Show them the complete opposite of the truth.You keep hurting them. And deep down inside you, you feel hurt too. You are being selfish so they will not care about you anymore. Only then, you can slowly forget about them.

       You do not even know why you are doing all this. Afraid of what will happen. Uncertain of the future. Your hearts want them to stay but your brain says it’s not right. So, you follow your brain and your heart starts to sink because it is too heavy. You feel sad and sorry for what you have done. But you have no other choice as you have started to build a fort to protect yourself. A selfish act but don’t know what’s better to do. You rather lost them by hurting them and yourself than to give them a chance to care for you.

       It is like a game. You have bet too many times and you lost them all. This round, the bet differ by a slight, and it is bigger. If you win, the banker will lose a great deal and might even go bancrupt. You do not wish for that. But if you lose, you will regret. You do not want that either. The best that can hapen is you lose but you enjoy the lost because you have let go the burden and enjoy the freedom. But, the future cannot be seen and you are uncertain whether you can bear the consequences of this bet. Afraid to take the risk, you walk away. You do not want to gamble anymore. You feel empty but it’s over. There is no turning back.

       In this world, life is full of uncertainty, it is misty and unexplainable. There is no solution for everything. No matter scientists try how hard to explain through their studies, some things remain a mystery. People hurt you and you cannot avoid. Then, you hurt others and finally you hurt yourself. Why is there such a chain? No one has the answer.

       If only life’s a fairy tale. People love you and you return their love. People care for you and you care for them. A place where you have a guardian angel, willing to be there for you in times of miseries and loneliness. An angel to look after you. An angel who loves you. An angel that makes you feel safe. An angel that creates miracles.

       If only life’s sweet and beautiful. If only life’s a fairy tale. If only…